Beatrice Timken
Suicide Note Never Placed. (or, unsent elegies.)
I.
Pretend that you found this on my desk on a sunnier afternoon than this one.
Outside my window, the cars in the parking lot across the street do their donuts as fanatically as always.
Were I ten feet closer I might be able to smell the rubber as it burns.
The bathroom mirror this morning greeted me with a garden of earthly delights, I in the center,
trumpet-lipped cherub with eyes of fixed ecstasy.
Outside my window, the cars in the parking lot across the street do their donuts as fanatically as always.
Were I ten feet closer I might be able to smell the rubber as it burns.
The bathroom mirror this morning greeted me with a garden of earthly delights, I in the center,
trumpet-lipped cherub with eyes of fixed ecstasy.
The world is outside frustratingly rushing on.
II.
Today my body is blanketed over me and i must imagine
that the sun-god plastic hawk set on top of the light post by the freeway to scare away the thick clumps
of pigeons is still standing there, enormous in its duty.
I’ve seen, you know, the gaggle of pigeons sitting next to it, one even atop its little
polycarbonate-feathered head. The plastic hawk did not seem much to mind the pigeon’s lack of fear.
that the sun-god plastic hawk set on top of the light post by the freeway to scare away the thick clumps
of pigeons is still standing there, enormous in its duty.
I’ve seen, you know, the gaggle of pigeons sitting next to it, one even atop its little
polycarbonate-feathered head. The plastic hawk did not seem much to mind the pigeon’s lack of fear.
The outside world frustratingly rushes.
III.
and I'm sure that this morning just like any other
the crows that roam around in fierce raiding parties and get a little
closer when I am around because they know
I will gingerly place a portion of my lunch
down for them are squawking as incessantly as always.
the crows that roam around in fierce raiding parties and get a little
closer when I am around because they know
I will gingerly place a portion of my lunch
down for them are squawking as incessantly as always.
and this morning I wish that they were not afraid.
and this morning I wish that they would descend
hungrily upon me
hungrily upon me
and outside, the world frustratingly rushes.
IV.
SUN hits my winged cherub back as
I lock my front door behind me
I lock my front door behind me
made up my mind next time I hear those screeching cars
I will run across street unabashed and shower donut-ers with applause and sweet roses
I will run across street unabashed and shower donut-ers with applause and sweet roses
First time on freeway for a little while now
plastic hawk gone
(maybe it grew wings too)
(maybe it grew wings too)
Crows do their usual half-step towards me and
cock their heads at me. I am reflected in their eyes.
cock their heads at me. I am reflected in their eyes.
The world rushes.
V.
Skin perverse still
with sun on back
with sun on back
It is true!
Ein jeder Engel ist schrecklich
Spring lovers blossom only
momentarily (this is not a poem
I will finish this year)
momentarily (this is not a poem
I will finish this year)
The angels always clean me out at
the poker tables anyways
the poker tables anyways
Terrible though they are, I envy the way that
they effortlessly smile in a lazing sunbeam drink
in the world in one inhale and
this is nice, being here right now, at least?
they effortlessly smile in a lazing sunbeam drink
in the world in one inhale and
this is nice, being here right now, at least?
World.
