Irene Han: 3 Poems

Double Lives

My grandmother used to say
we can never truly know someone.

They say that Mata Hari charmed
her lovers, passed information to each

side. Maybe people only see what 
they want to see. Eye of the day

opens, then closes until the extinction 
of a distant beacon. A discrete flash,

I’m searching for a ghost haunting
my mind. I’m tracing the shell

of an empty self. Following a map. 
I’m speaking in broken English.

I’m collecting loose leaves. 
I’m taking the overhead train,

watching the city change. 
I’m walking through the sunset at 9pm,

dreaming of the sand in Indochine.  
Now I’m sleeping in the blue

chambers of a young sun king. 
I’m giving up my body against soft

velvet, agreeing to both yes and no. 
I’m remembering every presence that

once filled a room. I’m hearing what 
I touch: rubies, a wooden clock, the midnight sea. 

Your Bone Structure

Whenever I walk into your apartment, 
I know that I’ve entered a mouth, winding

up the street leading to some iridescent 
black sea. You open the front door with a key.

The presence of early visitors lingers: 
they have crossed, among half-burned

filters, dense smoke, an empty blue
glass bottle. A photograph of your dead

mother hangs on the wall. Your fallen angel.
I’ve already met her through your absence. 

You take after her eyes. Your bone structure.
The Name-of-the-Father reveals an Algerian

past. After drowning, faceless bodies 
float to the surface of the Seine. The music

you’ve inherited releases the sorrow of
this history. Parallel fantasies, you’re reading 

my origin too: my mother, who pretends
not to notice, who used to paint, sculpt, pray. 

My father, who returns every two 
years. Even my grandmother, who speaks 

Japanese and mourns as a widow for
fifty years. A house we recreate, an image

the mirror reflects: split, blows and 
departures. Against the landscape of crashing 

waves, wild and wilder, faraway 
cries—sirens—descend into Ohhhhh’s.

Structures

All I want is you, but you’re not here. 
You’re heading to another coast, towards
the edge of the world. In the light, your eyes 
reflect the waves of the sea. They beat back 
the sand. Empty shells rattle and disappear 
beneath the tide. The sun refracts obtuse
angles and sets at 4 o’clock. In the darkness, 
you pull down the shades to isolate the motions
of a raw, relentless motor. I sit in the stillness 
of a vacant room and wait for a trailer truck 
to split the space in half. Two asymmetrical 
compartments remain: an absence and a presence.

***
Against my skin, your mouth feels like a flaming
desert. Clay ridges collapse. After a dust storm 
settles, they reconstitute themselves into low dunes. 
In the morning, everything will look different: 
the earth will reinvent itself and expose the 
fragments of lost, white bones. A sole cry interrupts 
the silence of the air. Reverberations travel across
latitudes, leave soft, circular marks on my body. 
Feedback and dissonant intensities wind in endless 
loops, leaving patterns for an extraterrestrial planet
to decipher. Today you are a delicate sound, 
dissipating into crests and rare frequencies.

***
Experience maps itself onto countries and people,
drawing artificial boundaries and parallels. 
I lose myself in another set of symbols and dream 
about the once familiar. Just as one can follow 
demarcations in the land, a corpse can also be 
divided and imported to foreign territories. 
Growing up, I learned that Mao discovered 
the revolutionary peasantry. Speaking in a second
language, a specter haunts our past and future
colonies. In some hidden enclave, I practice 
the accents I learned from my grandmother. 
What is new to me today is the way you taste, 
a complex red wine, historical, black cherries.

Irene Han is an academic and also writes poetry. She has interests in psychoanalysis, cinema and various landscapes, particularly, the beach. She lives in Brooklyn, NY.

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