Dmitra Gideon: Demeter Speaks

Demeter Speaks

(CW: child abuse)

​AfterHeSwallowedUsWeWereAllTogetherWetAndStickyInsideMyFather'sGut
MyBrothersGrewHungryMyFather'sSpitOnMySkinAMatingCallPoseidon
godOfOceansHeldMeFacedownInTheBathtubBloodFromMyNose

to the drain

Don't believe everything you read. I never ran.

​when Zeus opened the gut
he pulled me out by the wrist
held me dangling in air said I owed him
I owed him

that night I woke to a smile hovering like a moon

fingernail tunnels in my wrists
a worm that wound
from thighs to mouth

a weight
like his weight
a taste like
his skin
sweat
breath

a laugh
a laugh that tasted
like my brother’s laugh

​little brother. So much stronger than me. So much more awake.

​(sometimes i still feel them in my mouth and wonder why mine was the body they destroyed)

​Zeus married Hera                    Poseidon let Hestia’s "no" mean no                but they
                                                               pissed
                                 on my breasts                                             took my daughter away

​the truth is i never was a virgin

before my father swallowed me he tore my infant body open from inside

every cell
on fire

                                               my hymen a scar the shape of a target

​                                                                       it was the last time i screamed                             until now

​              How odd it is            that I should live            with so much violence
within me
              and wish harm                to no one.            Where does the violence go?
                      Does it turn to rot        in the lower part of my abdomen,
         drip                             down my inner thigh?
Am I meant to hold                           memory                   within my breasts
                 yet keep them soft                      for sucking and licking?
A sponge                           that absorbs                                           and also strokes.
             A whipping block              that can melt                          into a pillow.

​                               I cannot hold all this hate without curdling myself.

Dmitra Gideon (they/she/he) is a writer, educator, and community organizer originally from unceded Miwok and Yokuts territories in California and currently living in so-called Pittsburgh, PA. They serve as Director of Youth-Centered Programming and Community Collaboration for Write Pittsburgh, and they are a founding member of Pittsburgh Family Liberation, an abolitionist collective focused on mutual aid, advocacy, and community care for children and caregivers targeted by the family policing system. ​They really, really love trees.