Kai Thigpen
from ANC074: heart of us
1
i am the one who doesn’t trust you.
the world: a thin & narrow strip
across my darkness.
there are no stars here,
just the black where things are
stable. where things are safe.
the world: a thin & narrow strip
across my darkness.
there are no stars here,
just the black where things are
stable. where things are safe.
you, on the other hand; an interloper
or someone wanting to become one.
i see your neck & shoulders.
the rest is cut off.
or someone wanting to become one.
i see your neck & shoulders.
the rest is cut off.
2
i am the one who is terrified
everything moves fast in my tummy
it is clocks ticking
it is the earth relentlessly spinning
it is jolting shoulder blades in response
to unexpected angry barking
it is vomit & peeing your pants in front of the whole class
it is running a marathon while the breath
is syphoned out of you
everything moves fast in my tummy
it is clocks ticking
it is the earth relentlessly spinning
it is jolting shoulder blades in response
to unexpected angry barking
it is vomit & peeing your pants in front of the whole class
it is running a marathon while the breath
is syphoned out of you
i sense the knight is turning toward me, yelling
that i need to slow down
that i need to slow down
but really i need to speed up
do you see it? do you hear it?
how can i possibly keep up?
do you see it? do you hear it?
how can i possibly keep up?
3
i am the one who wants things to run smoothly.
you’d think that wouldn’t be so much to ask, right?
i do my part to make it happen.
can i show you who i am
at my best?
i am someone with wisdom
& calm. i meditate
in a great & empty hall
with the window cracked
so the birdsong can enhance my experience.
you’d think that wouldn’t be so much to ask, right?
i do my part to make it happen.
can i show you who i am
at my best?
i am someone with wisdom
& calm. i meditate
in a great & empty hall
with the window cracked
so the birdsong can enhance my experience.
i am the one who is at the heart of us.
4
i am the one who doesn’t trust us
to be close to you or anyone else
i am an empty space
square like a box
cut neatly out of thin air
square like a box
cut neatly out of thin air
you wouldn’t know i’m here by looking
just feeling
just feeling
behind a few of the older ones
i am alone a lot
thank you for telling me
there’s a heart
thank you for telling me
there’s a heart
i didn’t know
i thought the heart was younger
& a lot less powerful
than this flowing steadying wave
i thought the heart was younger
& a lot less powerful
than this flowing steadying wave
5
i am the one who holds the grief.
or rather, it holds me.
there is a flood that circles me.
everyone is here.
everyone dies.
or rather, it holds me.
there is a flood that circles me.
everyone is here.
everyone dies.
i am six years old.
i have held this since i was four years old
but at six the flooding intensified.
i drank the water down before, bloated by it;
now it swallows me.
i have held this since i was four years old
but at six the flooding intensified.
i drank the water down before, bloated by it;
now it swallows me.
who are you?
