Michael Russell
portrait of a bipolar, stay-at-home, obsessive-compulsive love-mate
feat. a dissociative trauma complex
sweetie, who are u to question a man
that works? pulls back the sheets,
that works? pulls back the sheets,
lifts the stiff board of his body
out of bed, peels off his clothes
out of bed, peels off his clothes
& dresses himself daily. honey!
who are u to question him
who are u to question him
when he waltzes into the wolf mouth?
shuffles past the unhinged
shuffles past the unhinged
canines, the blood plumped carpet
perfumed with the sweetest
perfumed with the sweetest
deaths: roasted chicken breast,
bacon wrapped turkey carcass,
bacon wrapped turkey carcass,
pomegranate & saffron venison
stuffed with maggots
stuffed with maggots
& ground up poor people,
shards of their bones ground up
shards of their bones ground up
into snapshots of u grinding
ur teeth in a bathroom, scrubbing
ur teeth in a bathroom, scrubbing
the clementine stains of his piss.
u reach for the toilet brush,
u reach for the toilet brush,
scrub the ammonia scent
masking his corporate bullshit.
masking his corporate bullshit.
u scrub all the evidence
of a relationship, memories
of a relationship, memories
like freckles
of shit clinging to porcelain.
u scrub: the flooded basement, him
u scrub: the flooded basement, him
marching with mop & bucket, him
scrubbing ringlets of shit, his gifts
scrubbing ringlets of shit, his gifts
of chocolate chip pancakes
& real maple syrup, u scrub
& real maple syrup, u scrub
—something
about having a hard on
for corn syrup & loving
for corn syrup & loving
the taste of lies.
sweetie, how'd u get here?
sweetie, how'd u get here?
wrist deep in amber,
chest pressed against the toilet,
chest pressed against the toilet,
a german cockroach
bulldozing between ur thighs,
bulldozing between ur thighs,
cocky as a man
who's forgotten u exist.
who's forgotten u exist.
anniversary rhapsody
stubble prick with breath
swept across cherry blossom
cheek tongue sloshed against his
ear lips nibble sweet cartilage
from his adam’s apple
relish beard nettles pomegranate
pimples as ur pulled
into his side of the bed
memories like shed skin
cells hair ribbons cotton
photographs ur history
two bodies rolling in sweat blood
dribbles down
zoey zoric’s mended heart
u spiral in blood-
rot & gold lace spin
the same joys & heartbreaks dear
future partner how many times
can we rip each other a-
part? dig our jaws
into the soft marshmallow
of each other’s throats?
u spider him faceless
spin skin
into arms of another
spin ribbons of sticky fire
spin him into cheater vanisher
mind stealer this
unforgiveable mother fucker u chew
the chalky resin of ur spit-up
& puked out antipsychotics
skull smashed manic with blood
petals & gold leaf kintsugi
ur dizzy blood gold years
of botched anniversaries
mouthfuls of soggy cherry
blossoms the blood
in zoey zoric’s mended heart u spin
two bodies slick with sakura
flesh sliced pink lips
cross-stitched as u suck
the impossible marrow
from his adam’s apple kintsugi
every morning
the cherry blossoms wilt
into almonds little cockroaches
malt like flecks of gold
s c a t t e r
across the cold imprint
etched into his side of the bed
swept across cherry blossom
cheek tongue sloshed against his
ear lips nibble sweet cartilage
from his adam’s apple
relish beard nettles pomegranate
pimples as ur pulled
into his side of the bed
memories like shed skin
cells hair ribbons cotton
photographs ur history
two bodies rolling in sweat blood
dribbles down
zoey zoric’s mended heart
u spiral in blood-
rot & gold lace spin
the same joys & heartbreaks dear
future partner how many times
can we rip each other a-
part? dig our jaws
into the soft marshmallow
of each other’s throats?
u spider him faceless
spin skin
into arms of another
spin ribbons of sticky fire
spin him into cheater vanisher
mind stealer this
unforgiveable mother fucker u chew
the chalky resin of ur spit-up
& puked out antipsychotics
skull smashed manic with blood
petals & gold leaf kintsugi
ur dizzy blood gold years
of botched anniversaries
mouthfuls of soggy cherry
blossoms the blood
in zoey zoric’s mended heart u spin
two bodies slick with sakura
flesh sliced pink lips
cross-stitched as u suck
the impossible marrow
from his adam’s apple kintsugi
every morning
the cherry blossoms wilt
into almonds little cockroaches
malt like flecks of gold
s c a t t e r
across the cold imprint
etched into his side of the bed
NOTE: Mended Heart is an oil painting by Zoey Zoric as part of her Kintsugi series. The series as a whole explores people's damage and scars and finds beauty, strength and wholeness in them, much like the art of Kintsugi. The series reminds us we are more valuable, beautiful and stronger after our damage and scars than we were before.
cockroach vegan ii
30 minutes & ur still
pacing calling them out
by name patrick peter patricia
morning roaches smeared
brown-gold muddy
legs smooshed like diarrhea
glitter across ur palm hand
fanning pheremones
one crooked antenna a warning
crunch
a full grown cockroach pops
under ur knuckle fist
this apartment
changed u made u bend
slowly for absent men
little pretzel why
milk in the refrigerator?
why cream? cheese?
five-day old pizza
bubbling somersaults
inside ur belly? how quickly
u traded urself for the promise of dick
his breeding another cockroach
snarls bull-headed it revs
its long antennae charges the door
ready to gore
every instinct u have
pacing calling them out
by name patrick peter patricia
morning roaches smeared
brown-gold muddy
legs smooshed like diarrhea
glitter across ur palm hand
fanning pheremones
one crooked antenna a warning
crunch
a full grown cockroach pops
under ur knuckle fist
this apartment
changed u made u bend
slowly for absent men
little pretzel why
milk in the refrigerator?
why cream? cheese?
five-day old pizza
bubbling somersaults
inside ur belly? how quickly
u traded urself for the promise of dick
his breeding another cockroach
snarls bull-headed it revs
its long antennae charges the door
ready to gore
every instinct u have
to pause breathe let it pass
